03 December 2016

Written by Mike Douglas
for Daily Focal

Let me start by saying I'm going to say rude words here. If you're likely to be offended please read another amazing article on our Daily Focal site. 

Ok... Here we go!

"If you are ever unsure about sending a dirty text or sexual image, DO NOT DO IT! It really isn't worth it."
I've been single for two years, with a 5 month relationship in there somewhere. I've tried online dating and attending singles events. Both with mixed success. So I am up for giving things a try. My depression does mean sometimes I struggle with certain things, and maybe that's why I try to push myself where I can. Online is one of those places. 
As many of you will know, being online can allow us be different versions of ourselves. For me this means I have a little more confidence, but also I find other people can be more confident too. Being online I have found out about new and interesting things that I wouldn't have before. I'm not just talking about that cool looking sexual position in that one porno, I'm talking about the different ways people can and do approach 'relationships' and personal interaction.

I have spoken to people personally and professionally about the dangers of sexting and posting similar content. Be that online or by direct message. Believe me, I've laughed a couple of times at the irony. But! I have always said it's not about doing or not doing something. It's making sure your safe and informed. 

For me this is things like not using my 'real' name online, not taking a photo where my face and my naked body are in the same shot. Being open with the person your talking to, so you both know where you stand. It's not just about taking content, it's receiving that too. I don't and would never share an image someone had sent to me. I would treat that in the same way I hope they would treat my image. As an image of something beautiful that only I am privileged enough to see. 
If you are ever unsure about sending a dirty text or sexual image, DO NOT DO IT! It really isn't worth it. 

When I was younger and the internet was a luxury thing, anyone remember modems?! There wasn't the opportunity to communicate with people in the ways we can today. I remember my first sexting type experience. I had met a group of friends on holiday and swapped numbers with them. One girl I was mega attracted to, we spoke after the holiday on the phone once and she was pretending to be all sexual and asked me to masterbate. Being a horny young guy I did, I could hear her friends laughing in the background but I didn't care. It was hot. 
Now we have moved a long way from phone sex these days. But even now I think, I actually acted in a way I'm happy with. I knew and was aware that other people where listening in, but I didn't mind. I was happy to continue. 
It's about being aware of what your comfortable with. 

More recently I have swapped text messages with some very beautiful ladies and the stories / situations we create through out typed messages are amazing. 
It's obviously got the benefit of being sexualised. But even just the experience of writing with someone on a shared story is quite an experience. It is a great safe way to find out what your interested in and what other people like. Sometimes you don't know you like something until you experience it, even if it's just in the mind. 
When I think of the recording studios, clubs, bus stations and bed room scenes I have created with those ladies...

I have discovered that while I love the sex, actually the part I enjoy the most is the first bit of interaction. When we describe our eyes locked into each other, feeling the sexual energy in the air, noticing your lips and feeling a desire to kiss them. Not hard at first but slowly and softly. Wanting to just feel your lips on mine... I digress. 
The first part of our interaction is the most powerful for me. Maybe because I'm desensitised to the sex, maybe because I value or experience attraction and passion in different ways who knows. 

More recently I have also cybersexted (I think that's the term) this really kind of started by surprise. But it was something I enjoyed, once I got past seeing my own face as I masterbated. Being able to see someone pleasure themselves to the thought of you is hugely erotic and very self-fulfilling. Again this should ONLY be done when you are comfortable with the other person. 

For me sexting etc is not about having a great wank (ok it is a little bit). It is about self experimenting and trying new things. I'm not expecting to meet the love of my life, but I get to share myself and an experience with someone else. It doesn't have to mean the same to them as it does to me, cool if it does but I'm not hung up on that. 
Sometimes in your life you need to try something different, experiment, try different experiences, talk to different people in different ways. Life is a journey, don't just follow the person in front of you!

We live in a world filled with technology, why be ashamed of using it? 
Remember two years ago when meeting someone online was a faux pas? Well, today we all expect a single person to be on a minimum of one dating site or app! 

So who's to say in a couple of years we won't all be talking about that time we were rubbing our cocks or our pussies as we talked to a stranger on the internet? 

We'd love to know...
What are your thoughts on sexting?
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