01 November 2016

Do parents have sex? Not really something we like to think about...
Well I hate to break it to you kids but... We do!
I mean that's how we all got here in the first place, right?

Probably one of the worst thoughts. But what about when you are a parent, you still want a decent sex life, right?
Pre-kids, I'd like to think I had a pretty enviable sex life. I didn't hit porn star level or anything like that but I was quite probably one of those girls that other 'less comfortable with their own bodies girls' called a bit of a slut. Not that I'm some sort of super model but I've just never really been that shy - you've got to work with what you've got after all!

Let me also point out, before you hit me with the label stick, that I have never had a one night stand - not might I add that there's anything wrong with them - so it's not like I was 'hooking up' with a different guy every night, I just liked sex and that's allowed for girls to you know. 

So, did having a baby change that? Does being a parent change that?
Your dam right it does!  

Let me set the scene for you...
You've finally managed to get the kids asleep after they've spent the last 3 hours tag teaming you. You've sorted out all their crap for nursery the next day, half heartedly washed up the dinner pots, fallen over more toys than is funny in attempt to just walk across your lounge and staggered up to bed.

Once finally in bed after having tried to brush your teeth with Sudacream and realising with not quite enough horror you've managed to put your socks in the toilet instead of the laundry basket it dawns on you that you've both managed to keep at least one eye half open (sort of) and haven't actually fallen asleep before hitting the pillow. 

You eye each other speculatively until someone musters enough energy to say "shall we?" to which the other will grunt back something along the lines of "K".

Now you can pretty much rule out any kind of foreplay because it's literally a race against time before one of you falls asleep. So it's basically a game of let's see if we can remember what goes where whilst having one ear peeled for anything that might sound even slightly like little feet padding down the hall or little lungs gearing up for a good bellowing session at which point you freeze like a deer caught in headlights until you realise it was just the cat. 
Are you getting the picture? 

At your post natal check one of the questions they ask you is - 'So have you thought about what you're going to do about contraception?'
I kid you not I laughed in the poor woman's face. I knew exactly what I was doing about contraception... It was called threatening to rip of my husbands balls if he so much as glanced in my direction. 

After having pushed a baby (and not a small one at that) out of somewhere that should only ever be treated with the utmost care and respect, - not to mention the stitches and other such abuse said area of delicateness had received - it just wasn't happening. 

Obviously everywhere got over the shock and with some recuperation returned to normal - just in case you were worried for me - and the appeal of having sex ever again, returned.

Yes, parents have sex.
Yes parents like sex.
No it is not 'yucky'.
No it's probably not as often as we'd like.
But that's because at the end of the day when the babies are in bed, we're just too god dam tired.

We'd love to know...
Did parenting change your sex life?
[Leave a comment]

Written by Laura Nicholson-Simpson


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