12 October 2016

Being pregnant, unexpectedly or not.
Struggling to get pregnant.

These are all touchy subjects. Subjects, that we're not always comfortable talking about and not always truthful about. Maybe because we feel we can't be, maybe because society dictates that we are supposed to react a certain way, maybe because we're fooling ourselves.

I always assumed that the first time I found out I was pregnant would be like something out of a chick flick. There would be soft lighting, beautiful floral fragrances (not that you can smell a movie), tears of delight from the father to be and me rosy, glowing and serene.
The whole thing was guaranteed to be quite romantic really.

Is it really like the movies... Glowing, perfect skin, happiness?
Needless to say, nothing could have been further from the truth.
Now don't get me wrong, I have always wanted kids, I love my kids more than life itself but the first thing I felt when I saw those 2 little lines was terror.
Absolute, overwhelming fear. 

Swiftly followed I might add, by total disbelief - which resulted in me screaming at aforementioned expectant father, to go buy more tests, proper ones, not cheap supermarket ones. 

I should also point out, that there was no soft lighting, or floral fragrances and there is absolutely nothing even remotely romantic about attempting to pee on a tiny little stick, whilst getting most of it all over yourself and wondering if this is the moment in which your entire life is going to change. The expectant father shed no tears but did look at me like I was losing my mind as I sat surrounded by little sticks with 2 lines on and sobbed my heart out.

Looking back now I realise that it was largely due to those already changing hormones and the fact that I felt like my boobs were actually going to fall off! Plus I genuinely think that no matter how prepared you are, and how much you wish for them, those 2 little lines are still a bit of a shocker.
Oh... and the boobs, did I mention the boobs?! 

Now before I manage to offend anybody or am considered ungrateful - let me stop you there.
Because I am grateful and I know how lucky I am and I do feel for people who find it harder, or even can't have kids - I can't even imagine how hard that is. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't tell the truth about my own experience.

Being pregnant is amazing and wonderful and all those other fluffy feelings people are so vocal about. It is also scary, confusing, uncomfortable and sometimes really not very much fun.

I had a great pregnancy first time round, barely any morning sickness, not too much tiredness, no complications other then a breach baby who resulted in a c-section. 

Second time around I spent nearly the whole 9 months throwing my guts up, I was so puffy I rivalled the big marshmallow man from ghostbusters and I was just not a good pregnant person!
But that's another story.

But you know what, we do it anyway, sometimes more than once, sometimes more times than we think we could cope with. The point is we do it because it's worth it.

So if you're thinking about starting a family, have just found out your pregnant or have been through all of this before just know that it's ok not to feel joyful and happy and serene 100% of the time!
It does not mean you are a lesser person or a worse parent, it just means you're human!

We'd love to know...
How you found pregnancy and were there certain things that surprised you through the 9 months?
Are there any tips you'd give someone on their first pregnancy?
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Written by Laura Nicholson-Simpson

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